Married to a “Random”


Hello my beautiful sisters,

How do you know if you have married a “Random” or not? Most of the time when you meet a new guy, he is on his best behavior. He is always kind, charming, and respectful. This guy is the “perfect gentleman.” He calls you, checks on you, and surprises you with flowers and gifts like massages. He pampers you and treats you like a queen. With this royal treatment, you have fallen in love with this guy and you cannot stop smiling or thinking about him. You tell your friends and coworkers about your “perfect gentleman” that you have been dating and who you hope to marry one day. In the midst of being in love, you call your lady friends and tell them about your guy and how much you love him and how wonderful he treats you. After telling your friends about your “perfect gentleman,” they are all excited for you and cannot wait to meet a guy like this for themselves.

Every day since you met him, your face has been glowing. You are always full of laughter and he is always a good distraction on your mind. This is what you have been hoping and waiting for so long and it’s finally here. You tell yourself, “this is the man of my dreams and he is everything I have wanted and more. Wow! Thank you Jesus!” This guy also talks about loving Jesus and you fall more in love with him because he says he loves God as much as you do. After six to twelve months of dating, he is still acting like a “perfect gentleman.” You may have had a few disagreements along the way, but he always bought you flowers or jewelry to apologize for his behavior. You were so tickled that you just smiled and forgave him without any questions. So far, you are enjoying the ride with this “perfect gentleman.” He is always on point, looks good, smells good, drives a nice car, and is always spending money on you. Wow! You love this dream you are living. You are so in love that you are blind and cannot see any flaws in him. In your mind, he is nothing but a “perfect gentleman.”

One day, he surprises you at dinner or while you are out on the town with a marriage proposal, and without any hesitation you scream, “Yes!” He places a beautiful diamond ring on your French manicured hand and you are beaming with excitement. You spend the entire next day calling all your family and friends to tell this about what happened on your date with this “perfect gentleman.” The excitement continues and you still cannot see any flaws in him.

You have been planning your fairytale wedding and the date is right around the corner. You are nervous but excited. This man is very well known in his community and serves in the ministry at church. You are getting to marry a man after God’s own heart. Finally, the wedding day has arrived and everyone is waiting on you to walk down the aisle. Your dress is amazing and you look beautiful. Your skin is flawless, make-up on point, and you are crying because you cannot believe you are marrying the “perfect gentleman.”

The honeymoon was amazing but now real life starts. Your “perfect gentleman” that you have been married to for three month has turned for the worst. You are trying to figure out what happened to the man you thought you married. Why is he screaming at me and putting me down all the time? Why is he staying out late with the guys now? Is he cheating on me? He does not have the same respect for you and is always talking about how beautiful other women are when you are out together and does not even acknowledge you. He does not take you out like he did when you were dating and has become cheap and does not buy you gifts like he used to. He used to dress nice around you but now he does not care about his appearance around you. Since you have been married, he has even stopped going to church and no longer serves in the ministry. He has quit fellowshipping with the guys and friends from church now. Lots of questions come to mind. What happened to my “perfect gentleman?” Who the heck did I marry? Who is this guy? You find out month later that this “perfect gentleman” has been dealing with issues of rejection, bitterness, jealousy, envy, hate, pride, lust, insecurity, and anger. Wow! You wonder why you married him. He is crazy and has lots of issues that you cannot deal with at this time.

Now your heart is broken and crushed. You are in the corner crying nonstop because it has not even been a year since you were married and he has broken your heart in more ways than one. Even if he apologizes and you accept it, you will keep asking in the back of your mind, “why did I marry him? I must have been blind to not see these flaws before.” Even though people may have warned you about him, you were so in love with this “perfect gentleman” that you did not see these flaws. Truth be told, you did see his flaws but you chose to ignore them and thought they would go away. Now you are playing the blame game. You blame God for your mate even though you chose him, not God. God did not approve of your mate but you did not want to hear what God had to say about this “perfect gentleman,” so you married him anyway.


Wow! You can either stay in this marriage or move on, so you decide to stay and make it work for the good. This can still be done even if you married the wrong person. God can still honor your marriage. You may have to work harder for it, but your marriage can be saved. Now it has been a year and you decide to keep your mind on Christ and not your spouse even though you are hurting on the inside. You decide to trust God knowing that “all things are possible for those who believe.” You say, “My marriage can be saved and I can have a great marriage.” During this process, you are praying for your spouse every day, always saying, “This may be the day he is delivered and set free from the spirits living within him. This may be the day that he will respect and honor me and obey the Holy Spirit.” All the while, you are still being obedient and submitting to your husband and God has decided to bless you in more ways than one. Supernatural increases have happened in your finances. Your health is improving. Your business is more and more successful. Most importantly, your husband is improving more and more with each day that passes. Each day it gets better. He is better in speaking to you and sharing his thoughts with you.

God is never backed into a corner and he is going to work everything out for your good. Even though it hurt, you have to remind yourself that God loves you and you are his masterpiece. In the midst of your pain, God brought sunshine into your marriage just because you kept the faith. Even though people told you to leave your husband, you kept believing that God would change him and that “one day” came to pass. All of a sudden your husband has been delivered and set free. He is now the “perfect gentleman” you always wanted in your life.

Always look on the righteous side because you have matured and your faith with God is on the next level. You know how much power the tongue has when you speak positive into a negative situation. Always remember that you can conquer any situation. You can help other women with their marital issues just by sharing your testimony with them. You are the best and your marriage does not have to just be good, it can be great, awesome, and peaceful.

Until next time my beautiful sisters, be blessed.

Love you much

A. Woods

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3 thoughts on “Married to a “Random”

  1. That’s awesome Areta!!! My testimony is similar. Love covers a multitude of sins, true unconditional love conquers all.

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