We all have asked that question once or more in our lives. “How did I get here”? What happen? How did I allow myself to fall in a trap? How did I allow a person to deceived and manipulate me; someone who call their selves a friend/family member/spouse? What was I thinking? Sometimes we are place in situations whereas it’s difficult to face reality. We are ashamed to confess our faults and feeling too embarrassed for anyone to know what happen. We would like to place our confidence into a friend or loved one but those are the ones who will judge you before you finish telling them what happen and how it started out. Wow! What happen to just being a listening ear and not being judgmental? Even the greatest warrior has felled into treacherous, horrific, unexplainable situations. That includes people with a title on their names, whether in church ministry, politics, business, and any other leadership position or someone just trying to live right accordingly to God word and took the bait. There is no need to be ashamed but realizes you need to keep your guard up at all times. The Lord said, “be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour”. Always watch and pray!
Here are a few scenarios of, “How did I get here”? You may find yourself in one or more but don’t be ashamed and don’t allow anyone to condemn you. Remember God has already forgiven you.
Scenario 1- Single Woman
You’re a single, attractive, friendly, beautiful woman that loves to shop, travel, spend time with family, enjoy fine dining, and travels most of time with friend girls. You’re always celebrating someone birthday or having events at your home inviting their friends and sometimes their husband comes along to the functions. You may not say it often but you’re lonely, and you have been waiting on God to bless you with a good man who you two will be compatible; and he would really spark your interest. One day you decided to treat yourself to dinner and the moment you walk into the restaurant you see a man that caught your eye, sitting at a table by himself. Your first thought, “OMG”! He is very attractive, dark, and handsome, and seems tall sitting down at the table. As the waitress sits you at your table you can’t help but to notice he is watching you walk and staring right into your eyes. Once you arrived at your table, you immediately pull out the mirror to make sure you’re on point. Then you thought about it, maybe he is waiting on his wife to meet him because you’re at a fine dining restaurant and a “Man” is sitting by himself that’s not normal. Anyway, the waitress comes back to your table and says, “the man sitting at the table alone request for your presence”, you were speechless. You get up slowly as the waitress direct you to his table and he is standing up for your presence and introduces himself to you. Your first thought was “DAMN” he is FINE!!! Yes, you said Damn let’s keep it real! You both are enjoying each other conversation and as he order a bottle of wine it seem as if you known him for years. It seems as if this was a Divine set up from God. This man after one conversation you felt like he was the one and he felt the exact way for you.
However, you two exchange numbers and that’s when the story began. You two were talking everyday on the phone, and sometimes he would bring you flowers to your job, just enjoying each other company, and traveling. As months past by the spark has become a flame in your eyes and you’re falling in love with this guy. You two already been intimate with each other several times, but you told him you really wanted to wait until you get married to continue a sexual relationship. One day he called and asked to take you out to dinner and once you arrived he was already sitting at a table waiting on you. He really needs to tell you something regarding his job and he says, “my job is transferring me out town and I wanted you to come with me”? Without hesitation you said yes, because you’re thinking if he wants me to live with him out of town sure he is going to asked me to marry him right? Within three months you were packing and ready to go with excitement because you know this is your husband that you been waiting from God. After moving out of town with him you notice a change, nothing serious, but were wondering why is he going out all the time with his colleagues? You asked him about that and he blow it off as if it wasn’t serious but just letting you know he just trying to become familiar with everyone on his team at work. No problem! Now, months past by almost an entire year and this man hasn’t asked you to marry him. You are being convicted by God for living with this man and you asked him about marriage and what are his thoughts about it. He says, I’m not ready to get married because I’m not where I should be financially but you’re looking at this gorgeous home he bought, and he paid off your debt and bought you a new car, plus he has a new car too. Now, the question is: what are you going to do? You left the city and move to another state with a man who refuse to marry you but you thought for sure he was the one and you quit your job, unable to move back to your home town….Wow! He don’t want to get married and he says, let’s wait another 2 to 3 years and your heart begin to break and during your quiet time you cry out to God saying, “Please help me” How did I get here? How did I let my guard down and allow this person to deceive me?
Scenario 2- Married Woman
Everyone thinks you have a perfect marriage and always compliment you for standing by your husband and being a great wife; but in reality your marriage is horrific. Your husband never compliments you, take you out, the intimacy is no longer there; but there is a man on the job that always compliments you. He notice the small things about you, like changing your hair or you’re wearing something new, the smell of sweet perfume is different and that excite him. After trying several times he asks you out, and he knew you were married, but yet you ended up saying yes, let’s have dinner one night. This man sweeps you off your feet, buy you whatever you want and the intimacy you two shared is exciting/exotic. As months pass and everyone notice that you’re glowing and happy all the time. Even when you arrive home, normally your husband will try to frustrate you to get on your nerves but you smile and start cooking dinner as if he was invisible. He notices a change in you and he asked himself, “why is my wife so happy all the time now”? He even mention divorce a couple of times because before the affair you two were having problems and now you don’t care whether he leaves or stays in the marriage. Your husband finds out about your affair and confronts you, instead of you trying to explain what happen; you immediately says, I’m leaving and this marriage is over. Nevertheless, you’re husband is heartbroken because he really wasn’t going to leave; he was just being prideful and didn’t want to apologize for situations that happen in the marriage. Anyway, you left the house and move in with this man and you notice things about him you didn’t see when you two were together. He is a successful business man, one of the top Account Managers at the company and highly respected among his peers, but there is a secret that no one knows about him but you…. He does cocaine sometimes to get high before he goes to work. Wow! You didn’t see that coming… okay back to the story… You notice his alcohol level has increase and the charming side of him is no longer there like it was before, he has become physical, emotionally, mentally abusive towards you. You are too ashamed to go back home and too embarrassed to tell a friend. That being said, you had one miscarriage and two abortions from this man and he never knew you were pregnant during those times. Wow! You finally have the courage to call a friend, tell her what happened and that you want to get out of this relationship but you feel trap as if you can’t leave. OMG!! The sexual soul ties you have with this man was so sensational you don’t even have the will power to walk away…..and you asked yourself this question: “How did I get here”?
Scenario 3- Single or Married
You are either married or single and enjoy nature….tends to walk around the park, go biking riding, or even training at the gym. One day you notice two gentlemen at the gym while riding the bike and they both sit on each side of you. As you continue to listen to your music, one of them tries to get your attention and slowly you asked him, “yes, how may I help you”? He makes up some weird questions about the gym or he mention if you work-out daily. You laugh, and say not daily just three times a week. He keeps talking but you’re not interested at the one that’s doing the talking but the other guy who is quiet and very handsome; and before you can speak he mention that he is married and need a good work-out at the gym. Wow! You didn’t aspect him to say he was married so the other guy keeps talking to you because he really wants to get to know you but you’re really not feeling this guy. As days pass by, you notice at the gym the talker from the other day been coming to the gym more often than usual and guess where he decided to sit, right by you on the bike again. You both gaze into conversation about life and he tells you a sad story about his wife leaving him for another man (which you found out later that was a lie), anyway you felt sympathy for him. As you two spent time together at the gym he teaches you on several equipments and tends to be a great trainer too. You two decide to exchange numbers and within a week he decides to call and the conversations are always enjoyable. You two have become inseparable, spending much time with each other as possible. This guy has all the characteristics of being a potential husband and you’re enjoying the quiet time, late dinners, and early walks in the park with him. One day he whisper in your ear that he loves you and sends a music selection to your phone dictating how much he really loves you. How sweet of this guy to think of me in this way and you’re trying to understand if he really loves you or playing you? Needless to say, months goes by and he still want to be with you and spending more time with you every day & evening and now you’re falling in love with this guy. You are so wrap into this guy until one day you’re praying and the Holy Spirit told you, “leave this guy alone he is still married”, but you’re thinking it couldn’t be true because we always spend time together. That still small voice tells you, “he has never invited you to his house only to his brother house and he doesn’t live there”. Wow! After all these months now you feel stupid and hurt because you feel in love with a married man who betrayed, manipulates, and deceives you. As you complete your research on him and find out he is married, you decided to confront him with the research you have collected, and he tries to explain and then tell you he doesn’t want his wife but rather be with you. What a disaster? As tears roll down your face, you asked the question: How did I get here?
In Essence, we all have asked ourselves this question once in life because everyone has been on a journey and took a detour and face a rough road in their past. In spite of what you have done and how many people you have done it with, God still loves you and He already knew what we were going to do before we did it. It doesn’t mean that your life has to end because of your choices. Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places. That’s where we can call on the name of Lord Jesus Christ and He will guide us back home. We need to always stay on guard at all times. I know many women are waiting on God’s to send Boaz to you but when you meet a guy continue your relationship with God and pray for that guy before you start to date him. God will give you an answer and you may not like that answer but it’s for your own good. God want his daughters blessed, successful, happy, joyful, and enjoying life with someone that truly loves them. Don’t settle for second best which is mess and you could have waited on God’s best.
Ladies, God has a plan for every one of you reading this message and if you will be patience and wait on Him, you will not be disappointed. I encourage each one of you and pray that you will fall in love with Jesus and give him your heart first. He will not hurt or break your heart, but He will cherish and love it. When you give God your heart no man can have your heart but he can share your heart with Jesus. You may be heartbroken now but you will have a testimony to share with other women. Dry your tears and know Jesus loves you so very much even in our mistakes. Don’t give up on God, as always rekindle your relationship with God and everything else will fall in place.
As always my sisters in Christ,
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